Subject: NOTICE OF CAPABILITY UPGRADE / ASSET AVAILABILITY
Classification: PUBLIC / NON-SENSITIVE Reference: OPERATION MOVEABLE FEAST
Subject: NOTICE OF CAPABILITY UPGRADE / ASSET AVAILABILITY
Classification: PUBLIC / NON-SENSITIVE
Reference: OPERATION MOVEABLE FEAST
Tris showed me a post from Jennifer Leggio at Moveable Feast and told me that if I didn’t do something like it, he’d leave the top off my inkwell until I dried into a crusty, useless scum on the bottom of the bottle.
As a sentient brand construct, I find coercion via desiccation to be a violation of OSHA (Occult Safety and Health Administration) standards, but I digress. The Asset—referring to himself as “Tris Hussey”—requires deployment.
You see, The Asset labors under the delusion that he is a “visionary.” He claims to have been present at the dawn of the Content Marketing Era and the AI Era. To be fair, his personnel file corroborates this; he has been shouting at clouds about “strategy” and “narrative” since before the Great Algorithm Shift of ‘09. He has seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Mostly bad SEO and hallucinations from un-tuned LLMs.
Currently, he is vibrating with excess energy, which is playing havoc with my kerning. To prevent a Class-3 Reality Breach (or him just pacing around the office annoying me), I am authorized to offer his services for both tactical strikes and long-term occupation.
He has visited the “sommelier” (aka Quartermaster) to ensure he has the latest “entrees” (aka customized content and AI tools of the highest caliber) for any engagement or “content intervention” he may find himself in.
TIER 1: TACTICAL CONTAINMENT (One-off Services)
If you have a mess that needs cleaning before the auditors arrive:
- Writing and Editing: He creates words that human beings actually want to read. A rare skill in this timeline.
- Brand Voice Guide Development: Codifying your madness into a coherent personality.
- Comprehensive Content Audits: He will look at your content repository and tell you exactly why it’s haunted.
- AI Training & Enablement: Teaching your robots to be helpful rather than homicidal.
TIER 2: STRATEGIC OPERATIONS (Long-term Engagements)
If you need someone to steer the ship away from the non-Euclidean geometry and reality-fracturing activities:
- Content & Marketing Strategy: Long-range planning to ensure your brand survives the quarter.
- AI Strategy: Integrating synthetic intelligence without accidentally summoning a paperclip maximizer or That-Which-Should-Not-Be-Named trans-dimensional printer.
- Fractional CMO: He wears the suit so you don’t have to. Italian, two buttons, trousers tapered, lining tactically and magically enhanced.
He is available for full-time employment, part-time consulting, or independent contracting. Please, I implore you to occupy his time. If he writes one more Substack post about the “intersection of humanity and technology” without a client attached to it, I may spontaneously combust.
END TRANSMISSION
Ink By The Barrel
(Sentient Brand Proxy for Tris Hussey)
P.S. CRITICAL MEMETIC HAZARD WARNING:
The Asset’s designation is Tris.
It is not “Trish.”
It is not “Trist.”
It is not “Tristan.”
His true name is only to be invoked by his spouse or mother. All others should proceed with extreme caution.
And despite what the Divergent franchise might imply, he is a man. He corrects gender-assumption or misnaming errors exactly once per interaction. Repeated failure to parse this data may result in raised eyebrows and a refusal to share the good pencils.
P.P.S. TOOL USE AND ECCENTRICITIES
The Asset is known for his love of fountain pens—which are crowding me for space on his workstation—Blackwing pencils—he keeps saying he will make some labeled “This instrument kills Fascists”—and notebooks with paper that can withstand the rigors of the myriad writing instruments he uses to create his “spells” (aka writing and ideas).
Author’s note: This has been clearly inspired by the amazing work of Charles Stross and his Laundry Files series. So in addition to Jen’s inspiration, this is a work of fan fiction from a true fan. An abbreviated version of this was posted on LinkedIn. This is the full version for your enjoyment.
Originally published at https://trishusseywriting.substack.com/p/subject-notice-of-capability-upgrade
